On Death and Dying

I died. Briefly.

In the morning of December 23, 2025, I woke to the familiar pains of a heart attack. This would be my third, the second in six months. My wife rushed me to the ER. In triage they started doing the blood tests and EKG necessary to confirm the attack. At one point I became dizzy and started to lose consciousness.

There was a rush of activity. A nurse slapped my face. One held my hand and tried to get me to stay awake by asking me questions. I could hear her with perfect clarity. Answering her was another thing. It was like trying to swim through wet concreate. My body did not want to respond and it took great effort to even mumble incoherently. They cut off the shirt I was wearing. I went into a full cardiac arrest.

Then it was like someone pulled the plug on an old cathode ray tube T.V. Anyone under forty-five probably has no idea what that means. Everything went black, starting from the outside edges and going to the center. I have blacked out many times in the past, with anesthesia or by being knocked-out. This was nothing like that. This time I was fully conscious and fully aware of what was going on. It was like I was pulled from the natural world and placed in a waiting room of sorts.

All pain was gone. I felt more alive than I ever have. I was in a place of complete comfort, tranquility, and peace. It was a peace like I have never experienced before. I remember thinking, “This isn’t so bad.”

I had to be shocked twice to get my heart restarted. I was returned to this world in much the same way as I had left it. I awoke in the room. My wife told me my two oldest sons were there. That told me how serious it was. It also made me question how long I had been out that they had the time to get to the hospital. For me, this experience lasted less than five seconds.

The Church teaches about the last four things; death, judgement, heaven, and hell. What the Church cannot teach is what the process of moving from this world to the next looks like. At the time of death, the body is separated from the soul and goes on to the particular judgment. This is where you stand before Jesus and must render an accounting of your life. My theological speculation is that Jesus will ask us one question, the question he asked to St. Peter on the shores of the Sea of Tiberius.

“Do you love me?”

Anyone who can answer yes to the question at any level is bound for heaven. Anyone who answers, “No, I don’t love you.” is bound for hell. Then we will be asked to present evidence from our lives of the love we have for Jesus. Jesus said that if we love him, we would follow his commands. We will have to show where we did our best to love the way that he loves.

I do not believe we stand alone in this. Everyone that we extended God’s love to will stand behind us as our evidence of the love we shared. Every person we extended God’s love to in this life, everyone we helped come to know Jesus, everyone we cared for, was kind to, and helped in some way will be behind us as our proof of the love we have for Jesus. Woe to the man who stands alone.

So where was I in this transition from the natural to the supernatural world? I had died but my body had not yet separated from my soul. If not corrected it surely would have and I would not be here to write about it. A common phrase after someone dies is, “Rest in peace.” I believe that is exactly where I was. I had entered into God’s peace. This is where I was to stay until either I was returned to the natural world or my body was separated from my soul and I went on to my judgment. For someone who does not die in friendship of the Lord, being immersed in his peace would be a torment, but it would be nothing like the fires of hell.

I teach our catechumens in the Last Four Things class that if someone is in friendship with God a good death is nothing to be feared but something to look to with anticipation. This experience has confirmed that suspicion for me. I do not fear death for I know what is waiting on the other side of the veil. This will allow me to live my faith even more boldly knowing what awaits at the end of this life.

My life has been interesting. I have had to endure hardship and trials that make even the strongest willed people wear a white, hug-yourself jacket. I determined a long time ago that God has led me through the darkest of times so that I can return to the darkness and bring other people out of it through understanding and shared experiences. I do not see this experience being any different.

One of the hardest situations we have to minister to is to someone who is at the end of their life where death could come at any time. Even the most faith-filled become scared because death is the great unknown. What if everything I have believed my entire life was make believe? What if nothing awaits me on the other side of this life? Hopefully I can use this experience to help comfort those facing their death. Hopefully I can bring some peace to the transition between this world and the next.

May the peace of the Lord, which goes beyond all comprehension, be with you in this world and the next.