Why am I still here?

On December 23, 2025 my heart stopped. A code blue was called and a great medical team worked frantically to restart it. I stood at the precipice between this world and the next. As I stared into the black abyss, I did not feel the warmth of heaven nor the fires of hell. Instead, I was wrapped in a cloak of peace and tranquility like I have never felt before. There was no pain, no anxiety, no fear. As over 200 joules of electricity passed through my body, I was pulled back into this world. What was an over twenty-minute ordeal for my family was barely five seconds for me.

When I share this story with others, I am told that God is not through with me, that there is still more for me to do. Yes, there are still people I need to interact with. There are still people who need me here. Those people will always be here. I am not still here because God is not done with me. I am still here because I am not done becoming the person he wants me to be. He has given me a wake-up call, a kick in the ass so to speak.

We all are created in the image and likeness of God. What does the image of God look like? It looks like a Jewish carpenter who was born in a barn and executed as a criminal. Jesus is the visible image of the invisible God. The image of God is that of sacrificial love. That image was veiled in us by the first sin, the disobedience of Adam and Eve. We have been given this life to recover as much of that image in ourselves as we can.

We die in the manner in which we live. Who we will be in eternity is locked upon our deaths. We will receive purification after death in purgatory but our souls cease to develop. It is said that there are no U-Hauls behind hearses and that we take nothing with us when we die. That simply is not true. It is true that we take nothing material with us when we die, but we certainly take the spiritual with us. This is why the bible tells us to store up treasure in heaven – Matthew 6:19. What treasure can we build up in heaven?

St. Paul tells us to work out our salvation with fear and trembling - Philippians 2:12. What this means is that we have to do our best to restore the image of Jesus within us. We are given this life to grow in sacrificial love and the virtues. A virtue is the habitual and firm disposition to do good in accordance with God’s will. There are seven virtues; three theological virtues and four cardinal virtues.

Theological virtues are infused by God and directed towards him. They are faith, hope, and love. The cardinal virtues are moral virtues that govern our actions in daily life. They are prudence, justice, fortitude, and temperance. The only human person who has all of these virtues perfected within her is Mary, the mother of God. She was conceived without sin through a special grace and remained sinless her entire life. The rest of us are given these virtues, but it is up to us to develop them in our own lives.

These virtues are like jewels within our soul. Think of them like the infinity stones in the power gauntlet from the Marvel movies. The more we develop a virtue the greater that virtue glows within us. We cannot see this in the natural world but everyone can see it in the supernatural world. The angels and demons can see which virtues are strongest in us and which are the weakest. The demons always attack us through our weaknesses.

When we die the level of virtue within us is locked for all eternity. We cannot develop them past that point. Like hell, there are many different levels of heaven. St. Paul talks about being taken to the third heaven in 2 Corinthians 2:12. Each level of heaven has a greater reward to it. We gain access to these levels dependent on the virtues we possess. This is what it means to store up treasure for ourselves in heaven. The greater we perfect the virtues within us in this life, the greater our reward will be in heaven after we die.

I did not return to this world from the brink of death because God is not done using me (although that is definitely true). I was returned because there is still work I need to do on my soul, virtues that still need strengthen. God wants me to be able to spend eternity with him at the highest level possible. He is giving me that opportunity if I want it. I long for the day that I can repeat the words of St. Paul in Galatians 2:20 –

“I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me.”

God's Infinity Stones

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